Portuguese Breakfast

February 12, 2009 @ 11:39 AM

Americans are fat slobs huh? As Americans its something we don’t really notice until we travel overseas. In the US we are totally surrounded by McDonald’s inhaling obesity 24 hours a day and it all seems normal. But the minute you step off that plane in a foreign land and look at the local population you get the instant reminder. I guess fried chicken and beer isn’t on the breakfast menu here like it is back in old NYC. Joe Took came up with game called “Count the Fat People” where you…uhhh…Count the fat people and whoever has the most at the end of the trip gets a beer from each member of the crew. Instant Classic. It’s about as equally rewarding, as it is cruel and its good fun for you and the whole family. Kind of a wake up call when Joe counts you as one of his 3 fat people he sees in 2 weeks. Might be time to retire that spoon and hop on the closest treadmill.

Jimmy McDonald sw flip

Hang up the spoon? Treadmill? What am I talking about? This is probably the best time to introduce you to 5boro’s elite eating crew F.O.B. What does F.O.B. stand for you might ask? That’s Food Over Bitches. Wherever, Whenever, no matter what the situation is, Food takes number one priority over everything. Say that girl you have been stalking for months finally cancels that restraining order against you and wants to hang out but your bros are on the way to the local china buffet for a session. When you wake up in bed alone with General Tso’s chicken smeared all over your face you know you made the right decision.

Danny Falla sw 5-0 shove

So taking that into consideration the food portions in Portugal were no match for FOB. One entrée per person just wasn’t cutting it as the crew piled multiple meals each down the hatch and straight into a food coma. Deeli would order his cute salad, or vegetable plate while we would order every animal on the menu. We may be laughing now but its Deeli who’s gonna be the one laughing when in 10 years we are all diagnosed with heart problems and he’s running marathons with a clean bill of health. Regardless of our obvious future the crew really ate up a storm and represented FOB to the fullest out there. The only part of the meal that wasn’t fun was when the check came around it was time to pay the piper. I guess when the American dollar is worth less than Robert Lim’s autograph you’re in trouble. Thanks Bush.

Joe Tookmanian sw krook